"Ya Throw Trash, Ya Raise Trash!"

We had just enjoyed a wonderful day of rock-hoppin' up on the Rocky Broad River. Meself, W.B. Morris & Libner, Jonas & Lil' Joners, a young Davey Durphy and Eric "The-Deal-Closer" McDouche. I think Libner was in a photo class at CPCC at the time and that was the pretense for all of us city folk breaking away for a day in the rivers in the mountains. We passed most the time rock-hoppin, jumping from one slick rock to the next for miles up and down the river which im still gleefully delighted to report that Eric was horrible at simply for sake of being a pansy. Never the less, we had taken full-sun photos (which if I can find ill scan in at a later date, sorry) and were wrapping up a day of biological fun when suddenly, out of the woods appeared the fabled North American Redneck. . . hu, oh my. . . with offspring! (I have to admit, thats Billy's terminology and im openly ripping it.) As we watched this fascinating species operate we were stunned to see that it was going to teach its youngling a lesson about rivers, physics, and waste management. In his stuck-in-the-bottom-of-a-barrell tone he said to his daughter, "Wachh'ees, wiin Eye throwin this'hur cayyn N-2 thut wrrrrtur sitsgouna paup'up'in bee-hine thayt uther rok'n'yander." We watched as he limply took one more slug of the Budweiser and chucked it into the biodiverse rocky river. His offsprings eye's shined with the awe of magic as the aluminium can did what her daddy said it would and went ploop under one rock and appeared FURTHER DOWN RIVER behind another. Mystified. Dumbfounded. I felt myself choking for air before anything because somewhere in the transfer I had begun laughing so hard that I wasn't breathing. That on top of pure blood-boliling rage. As I looked for air to fill my lungs my ever-aware/brilliant origional first travelling partner Jonas stood at the ready in his tight Deisel jeans with one hand cupped to amplify his voice and he bellowed, "Hey, Buddy, Ya Throw Trash, Ya Raise Trash!!!" Lets just say air never found its way to my lungs. The sad, real-lifey, consequental part of the story was the She-Redneck-Mates hushed eye-contact pleadings to please not provoke the dominant male. We gladly obliged and packed up the vehicle and made way back for the QC. Eric was scared the entire time.

Which brings me to a few points. I did some math/research today. . . just a few clicks, really. I just wanted to bring it to the attention of readers, especially readers in NC, that we have the third most landfills out of any state in the Union behind Cali and Texas. On top of that I would like to point out that one of those landfills is called the BFI-Charlotte Motor Speedway Lanfill V. And guess which one is consistantly the most packed? Uh huh. The racetrack. So think about this math addicts, that track is functioning on a business plan and doing what it is supposed to do, and by doing that very function is creating millions of tons of trash a year. In your water, in your lungs, in your offsprings genetic code. So, next time you go to throw something away, try to really conceptualize where "AWAY" is. Is it, ploop, right under one rock and, HUH!, right out from behind the next?

Heres the numbers. Total garbage in tons from 2001 to 2007 recorded in North Carolina (think about all the missing particles) is. . . fourty-five million, one-hundred-seventy-three thousand, four-hundred and sixteen. 45, 173, 416. Tons. Thats 90, 346, 832 lbs. of actually recorded trash. That is a lot to expect to just go "away". Here, look for yourself.

*Oh Dear God. I just realized upon reviewing my math that it is wrong. Right. That first number is in tons. Which is 2,000 lbs. Which means that when i jumped from tons to pounds i shouldn't have multiplied by two, i should have multiplied by 2000!!! that means the real number is 90,346,832,000. Thats 90 BILLION pounds. Now im scared to publish this. WTF?!?!