Lose All Your Money or Double Up

Yesterday I called a sheep farmer out on Winton and asked if he needed a hand. He's in his 70's and his sheep are about to be "lambin'". He said sure and I asked him how long he needed me. He said for a week or a fortnight. I chose the fortnight, because it was the first time in my life that I've ever had that option. When I hung up the phone and reported back in to the folks who helped me find some farm contacts they said stuff like "hey great" and "sure". I kinda just stuffed my hands in my pockets and tipped up on my toes a bit. Someone awkwardly asked what I was going to do for the rest of the day. Good question. It was at this point that I started discussing how paying 20 kiwi bucks to stay at the Globe Travellers was a bit steep. Stranger in a strange land. To my relief a woman volunteering at the Eco Centre said, "Eef yu cin't find a place yer can alwees stay at ours." I kindly thanked her and sincerely kept it in mind.

Well, I went on about my day. Trying to meet people and talk, finding out what life is like at the bottom of the world. I hate to report that its a lot like the middle and top. Day to day stuff. Mystery deflated. That whole thing. So I went on about my business and a little before the Centre was to close I showed back up and started chatting with this kid Derrick who I had met yesterday. We had some coffee and honey and sat by the fire and I brought up the fact that I had been offered a place. (Just to let you know, the average cup of coffee in NZ, even in the remote/wilderness Southland is about 4 bucks.) Well, we figured out who it was who had offered me a place and tried to call. No answer. We decided to roll out around town for a tour and I'm glad we did. I was able to go up on some high coastal rocks and look south to Stewart Island and see some amazing Earth. I regret that my camera was dead. In a way I don't though. Ghost island off in the distance that were the homes of flightless birds, ocean pulling back towards a block of ice the size of the skull of an Earth, breaks and wave spray, seals and teenagers parked far away from the now-million-dollar-homes that line the way up. On our way back in we still hadn't contacted the woman who had offered me the place. We stopped and bought cat food. Then, low and behold, who was to cross the street going into one of 4 local bars, but the woman herself. Derrick said, "This is that thing. . . the uh, what do you call it, Syncro?" Yes, the Syncro is fine. I asked Derrick if he thought I would be safe and whether or not he thought this lady a cougar. He just kinda laughed and said, "Cougar. . . " and drove off.

She was drunk and drove home using a side of the road that felt familiar, which was an odd feeling, to not be nervous in a car because it was in what felt like the correct lane but was actually in the very wrong lane. She stammered over her words and I just laughed to myself. I heard her say that I'd have to give her a few minutes, ten she said, to clean up. She stumbled inside. She could've taken ten years, this place was a wreck. I set my stuff down and fixed a cup of tea. Shit everywhere: yarn, cats, fire wood, magazines, stink, curtains, tools, books, photos. A tv and a radio were on. Kiwi TV is just like any TV anywhere else. We sat and talked, she fell asleep between sentences.

I'll just say that when I woke in the middle of the night I was struck with a very real, very odd thought, and one that is creepily sticking with me. The thought was, "If a private residence has a sign on the bathroom door marking the toilet and some video gambling machines in it, then this is probably some type of odd speak-easy casino."


toilet


video poker


tiger dreams


house on the hill


(PS, there was a lovely orchard all around the place and this is just one example of one human surviving after the full gambit of life, love and loss had taken its toll.)

Sweet bed, eh? I slept like a tiger, I know that much.

In the morning there was some oatmeal fixed and more tea and I thanked her for the hospitality (cause she just saved me 20 bucks and gave me a hell of a story), and she thanked me for the company.

"Cougar. . ."